Bloggin' From Saudi - Day 29 - Post 15-UGHHH HHHHH HHHH HHHHH HHHHHhh Joy won't stop harassing me about the incident last week with the handy man. She keeps saying it's indicative of greater problems of oppression and terror in Saudi Arabia and that we need to address it or move out. Problem is I love my job at AbdAbd Technologies, which I refuse to jeopardize simply because of this stupid event. It's not my fault she can't read a Saudi phonebook. So she made me promise to write a letter to the Ambassador and outline our concerns. Here it is.......comments/suggestions?
Dear Ambassador Patterson,
It has been too long since we last spoke. I realize that you have advised me and my family on numerous occasions to go back to the U.S. and move out of our Saudi Arabian home, but we still believe that it is just a "fixer-upper" that requires a little Mid-western charm to get the place in order. I realize that you will roll your eyes when you read this and continue that death-pool that you started on my life, but I think the time for immaturity is over, I am here to stay and we need your assistance. We are Americans and deserve a little respect from our government. My wife, Joy, is a professional lawyer and a respected member of the Feminist Guild of Northern Michigan. I am a successful computer technician and my two teenage daughters are just pure Americana. Together we can accomplish great things here. Which brings me to my letter.
Unfortunately, last week my wife decided to call a Handy-Man to fix the leak in our guest bathroom. A man appeared at the door in a black hood, wielding an axe soaked in what appeared to be human blood (I want to give him the benefit of the doubt and say that it could have been old human blood, remnants from whoever he borrowed the axe from). My wife almost passed out when she saw this individual, while I went out to shake his hand. He said his name was Jabka and that he was the "Handy-Man" who had come to punish the offender. He saw my two daughters and asked which one had been stealing and wanted to join his 'bag'. My wife shouted at him to leave, but I honestly couldn't help myself so I asked him what bag was he referring to. On the back of his shoulder was a huge duffle bag which he opened up and out came pouring at least 2 dozen human hands (again, not sure if he borrowed these hands or what, so I don't want to sound accusatory). My wife passed out at this point and Jabka asked me to lend him a hand because he was short on time. My daughter, Patricia, started crying and Jabka asked me why my son was so troubled? I told him that Patricia was a woman but at that point the whole family was in disarray. Jabka barked about cutting off someone's hand to fill his quota and then in walked a man with a large gash in one of his arms. This random fellow was quite irate, yelling at Jabka, to which Jabka felt obliged to return the favor. It turns out that the man had stolen a radio but that the radio had been a part of a 50% off sale and Jabka was only entitled to half the hand. The man was very insistent that Jabka cut the rest of his hand off because his wife wanted him to clean out the garage. Figuring that at the very least a fully dismembered hand would get him out of that, the man turned to Jabka for help. To make a long story short, I have 23 hands in my living room that need removal.
Please advise.
Your's truly,
Timothy Trighot
