BOOMTOWN - A BLOG FROM A RETIREMENT COMMUNITY JUST LIKE YOURS

This blogger: I live in Boomer Village right off route 482. This is my blog... a source of relief that my therapist recommended. I'm 65, I don't belong here, I hate my abandoning family and I hate my life.

ENTRY 42 - GEORGE'S SUSAN B'S

I got into it again today with my roommate, George. He was goading me and I couldn't take it anymore. It's never worth getting into it with him, but today's nonsense proved that point. Well, anyway, here's what occurred:

"You're stuck here for good, forever, that's the way it is, just face it!" George told me out of the blue.

I looked up at a cackling George, whose old scarred face and fat head sat atop a wiry frame of skin and bones. Resting upon his wheel chair throne, he continued his incessant cackling. He elicited another disgusted reaction from me and enjoyed it, as a wide smile grew on that bitter 93 year old face. Those dirty, tobacco stained lips opened again.

"Tell you what old man, you don't want to be here so badly? I'll kill you for a Susan B."

I snapped! "First off, I'm like 30 years younger than you, don't call me old man, and secondly, currency is not equated with the Susan B. Anthony! Get with the times!!!" 

This merely invited more crazed rantings from George, "Curse you old man, telling me the Susan B ain't worth anything. You know for damn sure that I was saved by a Susan B...."

At that point I sunk my head into my hands and almost cried, knowing I was in for another adventure in crazy land as he began a most painful monologue:

" IT WAS 1948, THREE KOREANS HAD ME PINNED DOWN READY TO CRACK MY HEAD OPEN AND SCALP ME FOR THEIR CHIEFTAIN. I STRUGGLED WITH THEM AND THE MAIN ONE, HIS NAME WAS JOHN TESCH, HE STARTED DOING HIS WARRIOR DANCE:

AHHAHHA AAHHAHAH AHAHHAHAH...WELL SOMETHING LIKE THAT..AND ANYWAY, THEN THAT DANCE AND THE SINGING STARTED TO LULL ME TO SLEEP, THE LAST SLEEP I WAS EVER SUPPOSED TO HAVE.  AND THEN THE KOREANS STARTED BICKERING WITH ONE ANOTHER, SO THE ONE DANCING YELLED 'ACHAMA' TO THE ONE HOLDING MY LEFT ARM, THE ONE ON MY LEFT YELLED 'ACHIMAMMAM' TO THE CHIEF."

"George, that isn't even Korean" I interrupted.

"Don't you interrupt me when i'm talking old man! I'm going to translate for your narrow brain."

And he went on......

SO IT SEEMS THE ONE ON MY LEFT ANNOUNCED THAT HE WANTED MY HEAD AS A GIFT FOR HIS WIFE, KATIE KOURIK (that's right Katie Kourik, he doesn't even try anymore!), AND THE DANCING FOOL SAID THAT KATIE HAD NO TASTE, SHE KEPT TOO MANY SHRUNKEN HEADS ON THE LAWN ALREADY, A VERY TACKY STYLISTIC GESTURE ON THIS KATIE KOURIK'S PART APPARENTLY.

THE ONE ON THE RIGHT STARTED LAUGHING AT WHAT JOHN TESCH SAID, WHILE THE ONE ON MY LEFT CRIED, 'HEY BUDDY, WHAT ARE YOU LAUGHING AT'.

STUPIDLY, THE ONE ON MY RIGHT SAID 'AKHAHALK KKKKU' WHICH ROUGHLY TRANSLATES TO, 'I HAD YOUR WIFE SACRIFICED THIS MORNING'. OOOH BOY NOW WAS THAT THE WRONG TRIBAL GESTURE TO MAKE. 

THE TWO HOLDING ME LET GO AND STARTED PUSHING EACH OTHER BACK AND FORTH, WHILE JOHN TESCH STARTED GUFFAWING, AND ROLLING AROUND ON THE FLOOR.  WHY AT THIS POINT, I STARTED RUFFLING THROUGH MY POCKETS, AND FOUND A ROLL OF SUSAN B'S.

NOW, I HAD THESE SUSAN B'S FROM MY COMMANDING OFFICER WHEN ME AND MCHENRY WERE CHUCKING THEM AT THE LOCAL GEESE, YOU SEE WE SKIPPED THEM ON THE POND AND THE SPEED AT WHICH WE FLUNG THEM KNOCKED THEIR HEADS CLEAR OFF, SUCH FUN AND PATRIOTIC!....

WELL, I TOOK THESE COINS AND SMASHED THEM INTO THIS JOKESTER'S JAW. HE HIT THE GROUND HARD, AS THEM COINS SPILT EVERYWHERE. THE TWO FIGHTING REALIZED WHAT HAD JUST OCCURRED, BUT IT WAS TOO LATE. YOU SEE THERE WAS A SMALL POOL OF WATER IN BETWEEN US AND I STARTED SKIPPING...."

POST SCRIPT - Later that night I found 10 rolls of susan B's under George's bed and buried them in the back next to the garden.

Pray for me.